Feeling Lost

I've been feeling lost lately in my life. I don't know what I'm doing wrong but it's not working so well. Everything we try seems to fail and miserably. The kids are always in combat mode with each other. Which raises my stress to the max. I just don't know what's going so wrong. We have 3 vehicles and not 1 can be used. I guess I'm ranting a little but where else can I if not on here. I feel so lost, I've never felt like this before. I feel like no matter what I do it's not going to help. My world is crashing down and I don't even know why. I'm miserable most of the time, though I put on a good show in public. Wouldn't want anyone to know. Here comes a kid wanting to know what I'm doing like they have to check up on me. Comical isn't it. My eldest son told me today he wishes I was gone. My other son told me if I run away he wants to come with. At least somebody wants me around. Not one of them will do what I ask them too. I'll say come here and they'll say why with that nasty whine that makes me just want to slap them. I'll say we need to get this place cleaned up and they'll say NO I'm not doing it. I tell them they don't have a choice it needs done and they helped make the mess so lets get to it. You'd think it was a war. I hear screaming and jumping and kicking and beating on whatever is handy. My oldest will storm off to the hallway and proceed to kick the wall so hard it looks it will tip over. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like a prisoner or a slave. Should I really have to listen to my children call me mean and horrible names while they beat on my house every time I ask them to help with something? How do I reverse this? I just feel lost.